The Birthday Party

And now, some short fiction!

Polly wanted a new collar according to Mom. One which Polly could wear to her birthday party. I suppose if Polly had been a child she would have asked for a party dress, but I had never heard of a party collar before. Most families don’t have birthday parties for their dogs. My family, on the other hand, celebrates all the dog’s birthdays. There were nine dogs at our house to celebrate Polly’s birthday. Most had even brought presents, although I think their owners thought Mom was a little off too.

Polly’s birthday party had been in the planning stage for weeks. Mom had been on the prowl in the pet stores looking for and buying treats: Prizes for the games and such. She had even gone on the Internet to check out Petopia in the hopes of getting a treat so novel and new that all of Polly’s friends would be in awe.

Polly’s present was a big surprise. Mom wouldn’t even tell me because she thought I might tell. Sometimes it is hard living with a mom who thinks dogs are people.

Well, Mom doesn’t actually think dogs are people, she just treats them that way. Take for instance this birthday party. All the dogs we knew, along with their human parents, are invited. Games are planned and there are treats to give out. Mom did buy Polly a new collar, not a dress, so I guess she hasn’t totally lost it. Yet, it takes a bit of explaining when my friends come over for the first time.

Let me introduce you to my family. My name is Amy, and I live with my parents and Polly and Pepper. Polly and Pepper are dogs. Both of them came from the pound and are of an indeterminate small breed. Unlike most dog lovers with childreen I had met, I was not considered one of the puppies, but rather, the dogs are just little furry people. These are my siblings, so to speak. My parents are human, I think. Dad is an engineer and is quite adept at playing along with Mom’s schemes with the dogs. He also tends to really get into the whole thing and play it up. Mom stays at home and takes care of me and her babies (that would be Polly and Pepper). Mom has several degrees which means that when she translated for Polly and Pepper, they tend to sound very erudite. It can make for a really funny sight.

Polly is long legged and blonde, Pepper is back and white with short stubby legs and slightly roly-poly. Mom thinks Pepper aspires to be a Navy seal or an otter. The only thing holding her back is her intense dislike of water. It is funny because Polly is the thin athletic looking one who mostly likes to sleep, while the short roly-poly Pepper likes to go for loooong walks. Go figure.

But I digress, I was describing Polly’s birthday party…Polly wore her new rhinestone collar, pink of course, on the big day. Pepper was decked out in a nifty new blue collar for her “sister’s” birthday. Mom spent the entire morning in the kitchen making liver pate cake. She was stymied on one thing though, how to get Polly to blow out the candles, so she got Dad to engineer trick candles that blew themselves out. He, needless to say, spent all morning in his work shop, murmuring calculus equations. I think that he does this to keep Mom out of his workshop. She tends to hold her head and start moaning in horror when Dad starts on his math explanations.

Polly and Pepper bounced around and were hyper with the smells. Polly started shaking with anticipation, which meant that Mom would pick up Polly to comfort her trauma. Being picked up put her closer to the food which was probably her intention anyhow. Mom can figure out my nefarious schemes before I even get my whole story out, but was blind to Polly and Pepper’s.

The guests started arriving. Henry, a German shepherd mix from down the street was first. Henry went to obedience school, so he was failrly well behaved. He came in with his mom and sat. Sunny, a black lab, was next. It was a mess from then on because Sunny was a happy, yet really dumb dog. He ran around the living room wagging his tail knocking things down. When he knocked down a bowl of dog crackers, it was a mass of puppies on the floor. Bandit, a blue heeler, showed up during the free for all and gladly jumped into the melee. The all settled down when all the crackers were gone and luckily no one stared a fight.

Mom called “Games!” and Henry, Sunny, Bandit, Polly, and Pepper all came running. Mom always carried liver treats or cheese. If she called, all the dogs in the neighborhood would come running. Mom put them in line. “Sunny, you go first, then Henry, then Bandit, then Pepper, then the birthday girl.” The game was follow the leader. Mom was the leader. She went over a chair, under a saw horse, around a tree, then sat a the table. Sunny loved the game and followed mom quite closely, all the while smelling her pockets. Bandit took a short cut back to her mommy and took a nap. Henry followed Sunny on the off chance he was on to something good. Henry was still a rapidly growing puppy. Always hungry. Pepper bounded and leaped over every obstacle with great enthusiasm, remember Mom saying Pepper wanted to be a Navy Seal? Polly thought the whole thing was rather silly and had to be coaxed into participating. Mom gave them all treats for trying and made sure they were at their proper places at the table.

“Cake”, she said, ”is served” Which was Dad’s cue to bring out the cake.

The cake was a vision, at least to the dogs. It was a mound of liver pate with 3 candles on its top. There were dog bones placed all around the top and sides for decoration.

Mom placed the cake in front of Polly. Polly immediately leaped forward onto the table to eat the whole thing. Mom knew her baby, and had counted on this. She had timed the candles to go out about the time the cake hit the table. Mom had measured the rate of burn of the wicks and had cut them to the correct length. Dad’s method was way to complicated, it would have been Polly’s 30th birthday before he would have completed it. The lunge and the candles going out a the same time made it look like Polly was blowing out the candles. Mom also had her hand in Poll’s collar. This stopped Polly from eating the whole thing.

Pieces were distributed to all. Mom fed the parents coffee and cookies. Yuck! I got a coke and cookies. The dogs were all amazingly well behaved, although mom moved Pepper into the kitchen to eat her portion. Pepper eats very slowly and would give her cake away if asked.

This ended the party. It seemed everyone had a good time, no one got hurt, and there were no fights. The humans were amused. Dad wasn’t even pouting about Mom not letting him use his invention for the cake. All in all, a typical day at our house.